Candy Gibbs

Funny how life sometimes catches us off guard and leaves us feeling caught in the middle.  Most of the time, at least for me, I have a mixed bag of emotions.  My sweet family would tell you that I am overly emotional.  Everything makes me cry.  I cry when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am angry, and when I am proud.  I am emotional.  I am so proud and honored to be the mom of my three children.  I love being a mother-in-law and being Gigi to my three grands is the delight of my life.  On days like today with Mothers’ Day approaching…the sweet faces of those I have the privilege to “mother” bring me such delight and joy.

And on days like today, I miss my mom.  I have a lump in my throat and an ocean of tears held back by only the fragile dam of a blink.  I miss her hugs and her laughter.  I miss seeing her tear up as she watched her grandchildren play.  I miss her phone calls and her advice.  I miss her broccoli and rice casserole and her listening ear when life just became too much.  I miss being tended to, I miss my mom.

I’m coming to realize that in life there really are no “pure” situations or relationships.  You usually never experience only one emotion.   You never have it all together (even though we try to make others think we do).  If my laundry is done, my dishes aren’t.  If my family is rocking along smoothly, things at work have taken a bumpy path.  You are never completely happy or completely fulfilled, and in the midst of tragedy you can always find a glimmer of hope.  When I married Brian, I was elated and so anxious to start a life together.  I was also overwhelmed and nervous about being a good mom to my new 5-year old son, Tanner.  When Jake and Madison were born I was filled with unconditional love and joy and yet with fear of somehow failing them.  When my sweet grandson Bracen was born I wept on the phone with tears of relief and joy as I sat beside my mom’s hospice bed completely broken waiting for Him to walk her home.  This crazy life we live is a basket full of emotions, all different, all powerful, all beautiful.

I’ve decided I’ll stop waiting on the perfect day or situation.  On this Mother’s Day, I will love the fact that I have a beautiful family who I adore.  I will allow tears to come whether they are out of the overflow of beauty or the pain of longing.  I will choose to realize that this life is only fully lived when done so with honesty and hope.  Never denying where you are and always believing that He is faithful.  I love that I learned the importance of being a mom and the value of loving passionately from my momma.  Though I miss her so, the gifts that she has given are unwrapped in the hugs and memories I make with my own children.

I have recently read again the story of Jesus as a boy staying at the temple unbeknownst to his parents.  Mary and Joseph rush back and find him with the teachers and said, “Son, why have you treated us like this?  Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you?” Then Jesus reminds them who His Father is, “Why were you searching for me?  Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” (Luke 2:48-49).  As a mother Mary must have felt panic, relief, frustration, fear, proud, humbled, reverent and apprehensive…quite a mixed bag of emotion.  “But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.” (Luke 2:51)

That’s my prayer for us this Mother’s Day.  That we cherish ALL of these things in our hearts…and continue to chase Him.

Happy Mother’s Day!!  I love you,

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