As a parent, the awareness of loss of influence can be alarming if you didn’t see it coming. So be warned young parents, I have just given you a glimpse of the future.

Here is the key learning: Environments matter. Who my daughter is influenced by as a 15-year old is dependent greatly on the environments that my wife and I placed her in as a 10 and 12 and 14-year old.

As a parent who has LOVED having teenagers, and who has not yet experienced teen rebellion (although we can’t celebrate yet as we are barely past half-time), here is the advice I would give parents of pre-teens…

• Get involved in a great church with strong youth leaders.
• As they start middle school, don’t give them the option to stay home from the youth program. I can’t stress this enough. They will have no desire to be involved as a high school student if you gave them the option when they were younger.
• Find a school that has strong values and where there is good chance they will be able to find solid friends. That might mean paying for private school or moving to a better school district.
• Get them in situations where they are hanging with young adults who are following God. That’s why we had college-age students live in our home for two years.
• Teach them the joy of serving when they are very young.
• Let them participate in events where there is a good chance they might take a step spiritually, like summer camp, missions trips, or weekend retreats.

Oh, and one last word of advice for those with teenagers—stop lecturing and start listening. Stop giving direction and start asking questions.

It’s your turn now…what would you add (or ask) about environments and parenting?

        _________________________________________________________________________________________

Meet Tim Stevens:The most important human relationship I have is with my wife, Faith Stevens. She is an amazing wife, mother and partner in life. Next to Faith, the most important thing I can do is be a great dad for our four amazing kids (three of them are teenagers!). Both Heather and Megan are good writers and follow in my footsteps through blogging.  For more than 17 years, I have been on staff with Granger Community Church. It has been a privilege to watch the church grow from a congregation of 350 meeting in a movie theater–to a world-impact ministry reaching more than 6,000 locally and tens of thousands around the world. Outside of my family, the most important place I invest my leadership, time and energy is to the staff and congregation at Granger.  I have loved writing since I was a child. And now, through this blog and several books, I’ve been able to combine my love for writing with my passion to help church leaders do better. I believe the local church has the potential to inspire change and transform communities, and because of that, I love doing whatever I can to help pastors and church leaders. Sometimes that means talking about a failure. Other times it means offering highly practical advice on a proven method or tactic. Whether I’m speaking at a conference or workshop, consulting with a pastor on the phone, or leading a long-term coaching network–I find great fulfillment in adding value to leaders whenever and wherever I can. 
Find Tim on his website, facebook, and twitter.